Gratitude: I want to feel more than my counted blessings

It's clear to me that I'm in a season of searching — or at least a week or two of it. I've been a blog-reader for many years, and I started my first blog in 2004, but this week I've been desperately digging around the internet to find new voices that speak to me. I've found a few, and quick copy-pasted their feed URLs into my reader, but today I find myself still looking.

I want to be guided. Inspired. Moved. Drawn to friendship. I want to hear from Catholic moms, because I can relate most easily to their particular language-of-faith, but I don't want to limit my guidance. I also don't want overly earnest preaching, from any denomination including my own, you know? I'm being very particular. My life right now is about finding the holiness in everyday routines. Staying mindful even while Tuesday basketball practice and then gymnastics requires that we grab a fast-food dinner... again. (Thankful that basketball season is relatively short for my 3rd-grader!)

This article (and the whole blog) spoke to me in the very way I was seeking, and her post about gratitude made me want to respond, because today, shortly after my morning "five things" journaling, I made a silent wish, almost involuntarily, to instead be pouring out gratitude. I think sometimes that the daily gratitude practice of counting blessings falls short. Yes, it's critical to remember to be grateful. Yes, it has carried me now over months of job dissatisfaction — the practice truly helps me get through. Yes, it's fun to count up how all the little things — warm coffee, a favorite song, crunchy leaves, Girls' Night Out, another pink sunrise — add up to a happy life. But this morning I felt this desire to feel all those things ALL DAY. To remember, and stay mindful and grateful longer than the 10 minutes-a-day that all the websites prescribe. Maybe I've been doing it too long?

I won't stop my gratitude journal, of course. I need it and I love it. And if you don't know about the Happier app, let me insert that right here and tell you to go check it out — it's right on your phone, a place to gather your happy little moments, where no one will accuse you of being too saccharine or cheery, like on other social media. Lovely app. I use it in addition to a paper journal! Gratitude all over the place.

But I'm ready to go deeper. How do I do that?