Incomplete

Read this today, on the insightful Sayable:

The feeling of incompleteness is a great gift to the Christian because it reminds us we're not home yet, we're not face to face with Jesus. Pray that the areas where you feel the ache of emptiness, you would long more for the day of Jesus. 

A really great reminder.

Our Triumphant Holy Day

This last few days, as we've prepared for and sung all the Easter Triduum services and Masses, I've been thinking about the favorite old hymn, Jesus Christ is Risen Today. (If you didn't get to sing that yesterday, I'm sorry for you.) It's the second line that's getting to me this year: "Our triumphant holy day" (Aaaaaaa-le-lu-u-ia!)... and specifically the word "our." It's OUR day. All of ours. All of us. Even the people we don't know -- there are millions, trillions who celebrate this day and ARE LOVED BY JESUS! And even the people who drive us crazy. We share this, the crazy people and me. We are one in it. We are one in believing it, and in being saved by it, and someday we'll be together in heaven singing about it and living it.

I'm finding that something to chew on -- something to learn from -- something to meditate about, perhaps, this Easter season. We. Our. Our Jesus. 

I had the most blessed Easter yesterday. Possibly my best one ever. I don't know why. There was such joy in my heart, somehow, even though the kids fought over the egg hunt first thing in the morning. Our homilies were good -- excellent, even, at one Mass, it brought me to tears (I went to three Easter Masses because I'm in the choir and my daughter's in the children's choir) -- our music was lovely and moving (I pray), of course the kids' music was, too -- is there anything more glorious than children singing praise and alleluia? Nope -- and our day, after the morning mayhem, was relaxed and easy. Even cooking an Easter dinner for the four of us wasn't taxing. And there was prosecco. :) 

I'm still kind-of on a high from it all, and I'm supposedly working right now (the kids have Easter Monday off, but I'm working from home). Of course, working from home has a lot to do with my mood -- I love it so, AND I just got a revision written on a piece that's been hard for me to get my head around. Right now I'm outside at the patio table with a cup of coffee and this laptop. But the holy joy, that's what sticking with me. What a gift. I mean, of course, the enormous gift of the Resurrection, but also the small gift of a beautiful, calm and inspiring holiday yesterday, too. 

Our triumphant day, indeed.

Truths being layed down

I read this today and wow, did it get to me. God speaks through other writers, did you know? 

"If you feel stuck today and have for a while, consider, too, that perhaps God is settling some truths down deep in you."

Yes, I think that's it. I HAVE felt stuck for a while, at my job mostly, at this level of my so-called career, nowhere to go, nowhere I really WANT to go, but... wanting. To advance, or to be recognized, or just to get out, somehow. To feel revived. But I also came to accept some things about my job, with new perspective this year. And I made a good start at developing other good habits in 2016. Walking, meditation, breathing before parenting, remembering to show mercy and pour out love to my kids.

Maybe those are just the Truths I was meant to learn, settling into my heart.

Gratitude: I want to feel more than my counted blessings

It's clear to me that I'm in a season of searching — or at least a week or two of it. I've been a blog-reader for many years, and I started my first blog in 2004, but this week I've been desperately digging around the internet to find new voices that speak to me. I've found a few, and quick copy-pasted their feed URLs into my reader, but today I find myself still looking.

I want to be guided. Inspired. Moved. Drawn to friendship. I want to hear from Catholic moms, because I can relate most easily to their particular language-of-faith, but I don't want to limit my guidance. I also don't want overly earnest preaching, from any denomination including my own, you know? I'm being very particular. My life right now is about finding the holiness in everyday routines. Staying mindful even while Tuesday basketball practice and then gymnastics requires that we grab a fast-food dinner... again. (Thankful that basketball season is relatively short for my 3rd-grader!)

This article (and the whole blog) spoke to me in the very way I was seeking, and her post about gratitude made me want to respond, because today, shortly after my morning "five things" journaling, I made a silent wish, almost involuntarily, to instead be pouring out gratitude. I think sometimes that the daily gratitude practice of counting blessings falls short. Yes, it's critical to remember to be grateful. Yes, it has carried me now over months of job dissatisfaction — the practice truly helps me get through. Yes, it's fun to count up how all the little things — warm coffee, a favorite song, crunchy leaves, Girls' Night Out, another pink sunrise — add up to a happy life. But this morning I felt this desire to feel all those things ALL DAY. To remember, and stay mindful and grateful longer than the 10 minutes-a-day that all the websites prescribe. Maybe I've been doing it too long?

I won't stop my gratitude journal, of course. I need it and I love it. And if you don't know about the Happier app, let me insert that right here and tell you to go check it out — it's right on your phone, a place to gather your happy little moments, where no one will accuse you of being too saccharine or cheery, like on other social media. Lovely app. I use it in addition to a paper journal! Gratitude all over the place.

But I'm ready to go deeper. How do I do that?

A new place for me

This is a new space for me, to write down my thoughts. I would love for my work to make some small impact. I'm feeling hope today.

How does it look? :)